In which I ponder the dangers of parenthood...

This past week in parenting mini-memblers has been challenging.   When you're childless they don't tell you stuff like "kids can be dangerous and cause injuries".  They don't come with that warning when they hand them too you in the hospital either.  They should though.   Yes, all infants should come with a warning label stamped on their little butts "Warning: watch out for sharp parts and grabby parts and one day you'll be used as a piece of playground equipment.  Injury may occur".

Yes, people act like infants are the helpless ones and true,while they are itty-bitty they are rather harmless overall, but watch out as they grow!   When they are tiny there's not much they can do but pee and poop and puke on you and scream until you want to sit and a corner and cry yourself (it's okay, every parent has been there, just make sure your little air raid siren is safely in their crib first).  But as they age?  Oh my oh my. First their fingernails, or as I call them "their little velociraptor claws" grow.  Then they get teeth, or as I call them "their baby barracuda teeth" and then you end up with little indents on your skin if you're lucky.

Now those baby velociraptor claws, those little suckers and dangerous and danged difficult to trim.  And frightening to trim too.  You'd think that humans, being as inventive as we are and as fond of making baby products as we are that someone at some point in time, would have invented a foolproof non-terrifying way to trim those little suckers.   Because it is absolutely terrifying to trim them and with good reason.  The first time I trimmed mini's nails I clipped off the end of his thumb. It was horrible and I was so upset.  It healed in a week or so but nine months later I'm still filled with terror when I manage to catch him in a dead sleep and take on the task of trimming his nails.    But it must be done.  And I'll tell you why.

One day this last week I was wrestling him to sleep (what? you've never heard of that?  lucky you)  anyways I was wrestling him to sleep (you see it's because he knows if he holds still for two seconds he'll conk off and he doesn't want to sleep) waiting for him to get past the "climbing mommy like a tree" stage where he bounces around gleefully while climbing over my head which is right before the "rest my head on mommy's shoulder for just a second" stage wherein he falls fast asleep.  So he was bouncing around and his finger went up my nose and I swear his little claw must have nicked a vein as I've never had a worse nosebleed in all my life and my nose throbbed for 1/2 hour afterwards.  

I am rather surprised that parenting has never wound up on the list of "most dangerous jobs" and that babies have never made even one "most dangerous creatures" lists either.  

So yes, babies need warnings.  "Handle with caution" "may be dangerous"  "likes to grab hair, shave head(and chest if you're male) before handling"  "Watch out- you'll fall hopelessly in love with me"  stuff like that :)